I finished Nights in Rodanthe for the second time today, this time thinking alot more about things in my life. I really can't relate too much to Adrienne and Paul, but I find myself wanting to do the same thing. I really need to find myself.
In all honesty, I don't know who I am. I find myself trying too hard to fit in with a certain group...and its been that way my whole life. I've never had the chance to figure anything out. My whole life has basically been a failed copy of the people around me...and I can't do it anymore.
The thing is, I don't even know where to begin. I almost feel like it would be easier to start all over, but I know that's not possible. I tried religion...and I could never make any sense of it all... I really feel completely lost in life now. I'm not depressed or anything, I just wanna know like why I'm here. What is my purpose? Am I even supposed to know that?
Things are just really overwhelming right now...and the bulk of it starts with school shit. Do I even want to go to UK?...if so why? Right now, I've got several friends that are going...but is that what I need. Should I even go this year. I could easily take a year off and try to collect myself. ..maybe then I'd have some clues. And if I do go to UK, is chemistry what I want to do. Sure its fun but for a career. I have no clue what I'm good at. I love music, but I'm not that good on my horn and I don't know if I could teach kids how to play an instrument.
I really just wish I had answers. I want to find myself...I want to know what I'm here for... This is frustrating...
Anyone got answers?
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