Nights in...somewhere else than here...

I finished Nights in Rodanthe for the second time today, this time thinking alot more about things in my life. I really can't relate too much to Adrienne and Paul, but I find myself wanting to do the same thing. I really need to find myself.

In all honesty, I don't know who I am. I find myself trying too hard to fit in with a certain group...and its been that way my whole life. I've never had the chance to figure anything out. My whole life has basically been a failed copy of the people around me...and I can't do it anymore.

The thing is, I don't even know where to begin. I almost feel like it would be easier to start all over, but I know that's not possible. I tried religion...and I could never make any sense of it all... I really feel completely lost in life now. I'm not depressed or anything, I just wanna know like why I'm here. What is my purpose? Am I even supposed to know that?

Things are just really overwhelming right now...and the bulk of it starts with school shit. Do I even want to go to UK?...if so why? Right now, I've got several friends that are going...but is that what I need. Should I even go this year. I could easily take a year off and try to collect myself. ..maybe then I'd have some clues. And if I do go to UK, is chemistry what I want to do. Sure its fun but for a career. I have no clue what I'm good at. I love music, but I'm not that good on my horn and I don't know if I could teach kids how to play an instrument.

I really just wish I had answers. I want to find myself...I want to know what I'm here for... This is frustrating...

Anyone got answers?

I'm not really sure how to describe it...

This just happens to be my first blogging experience, so don't judge me.

Life right now is a little confusing. For the first time this year I am set on college plans. I know that I will be attending UK in the fall and that excites the hell outta me. I'm gonna be Wildcat, and hopefully with Gillispie out of the picture, that will be an honorable thing. Anyway, as of now, I want to be a pharmacist but that will probably change a few times. Regardless, I've figured some things out.

Things are also starting to wind down with school. Shit...I'm about to graduate. It really is crazy. I remember my first day of high school...heck, I remember my back through elementary school. It's going to really hard leaving all my friends...the people that I have spend my life with. Gosh, that part really sucks. It will be nice be out of high school and on my own, though.

I've also found out that adding random people on Facebook can be a good thing. So, this girl added me as a friend because we're both in the UK Class of '13 group. We talked some on chat and then messaged some and we eventually exchange phone numbers. We've been talking for like a week now, and, at least to me, things look promising. We both scheduled to same orientation and she wants to hang out with me soon. The downside of this...she lives six hours away. Now when we're at college, this won't be a problem; but until then, we would be limited to the phone. Either way, I'm excited.

Actually, now that I think about it, things aren't that confusing at all. I'm actually pretty happy.

Sorry if this happens to bore anyone.